Why ARE Men Athletes Happier?

Men are just happier people—What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours; a shrine for your bikes. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack, you don’t need to run ‘x’ number of miles accordingly to the calories in a Dove bar.

You can be President. You can never be pregnant and try to run while not being able to see your feet. You can run in a white T-shirt in the rain. You can wear no shirt while running in the rain. Car and bike mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal. You never have to ride to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you’re running past them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day race-vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you on donut-run, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes (running, cycling and dress) are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can “do” your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier.

Andrea Reichert loves running, cycling and anything outdoors (especially in the winter). She received a MPH in nutrition from the University of Minnesota. In college she was a rower, to which she attributes her initial interest in sports nutrition. Her new love is snowboarding and is a member of NSP. Other interests include cooking, sustainable agriculture, and traveling. She lives in Minneapolis where she works as a registered dietitian in an eating disorders unit. Feel free to contact her: areichert@spu.edu.

_This article did have an unknown original author and Andrea re-wrote and edited it towards the male athlete….Funny stuff.